BSD
Administrator
Time seemed to drag yet leap forward in the same instant. Emotions muddled, a mixture of so many regrets and fears that she had pushed down. All that time;she snapped. There was no other explaining it. Suppressing all of her emotions had led her to make many rash decisions. Having time to calm her mind had revealed to her the scars that were marring her present life. She would need to face her fears. And embrace what she truly wanted in this life. Why the squad or its people were held so dearly in her heart already was a mystery to her. But it was real and she would do everything in her power to prove this.
Given the chance.
The sound of the main gates opening startled them all. Making no outward reaction, she remained awaiting her fate, head down. She would not try to mask her shame. Capable enough to feel their incoming presence but his movements much faster than her ability to track him. Her body was limp, drooping down. There was no need to raise her head before him yet. Remaining in a pose that revealed her regret and apology as well as respect; lastly it left her open for him to slice her neck clean through with no obstruction.
A thump. Harsh words, spat at her. She clenched her teeth slightly. Knowing this would not be easy but still unable to have fully prepared for this moment.
Allowing her eyes to open slightly, bangs covering her face though giving her a view of the floor. That was when she saw it and against her will her head lifted. Is that...
Hands flew to her mouth as she covered a gasp.
Yasu.
The dam broke.
The woman was okay. Catching but a glimpse of what Yasu looked like after the incident two months ago she was uncertain if she would live. As time went on she was relieved to hear she was recovering. However she had not expected this. She caught herself and stood on her own. She gave them a strange look before giving Kazumi a soft smile and retreated.
Yasu is okay. I'm so glad...
For what felt like forever all Kazumi could do was cry. Again. In front of everyone. But she could not control herself. All the emotions she had pushed down and ignored, her fears and anguish. The relief of seeing Yasu in fairly good health overcame her. So much unpleasantness. Wiping away happy tears she felt grateful to know this much at least.
Hands remained covering her face as she slowly composed herself. She wouldn't have been surprised to be smacked or killed as she had her outburst. If she were allowed to continue and explain herself, she was now ready. Steeling herself, her hands moved away from her face, wiping remaining tears away as they went. Placing her right hand over her left, arms straight util they crossed before her. Entire body rigid, she bent only slightly to bow to him and keep her head lower.
"I have no excuse for my actions, sir. I have...not yet left Second's barrack's and planned to today. But I...."
For a moment her mouth quivered like a child, giving herself pause to reign her emotions back in. Swallowing down as if suffocating those feelings she continued, her voice once more blank and listless.
"I feel that I made a mistake in attempting to transfer divisions. As it has not been made official and I as of yet have not entered their barracks or began any duties within their ranks I wish to halt the transfer. And..remain here. In my home. I apologize deeply for the burden this has been on you both. I hope to one day prove to be worth the effort. Or I will freely offer my head as penance. I will accept your judgment without any complaint."
You're blabbering.
The words rolled out of her mouth nonstop. Stopping herself before she continued on babbling at him. Fists clenched at her sides, bare of all weapons that she had relinquished without argument; she felt naked. Exposing such blatant emotion and making such a huge misstep. She had exposed herself in many ways, and felt uncomfortable under the scrutiny. It was strange to consider; she would be content with dying by his hand but did not wish for him to look at her negatively. She might have smiled if she weren't so certain she were about to die.
I was surely taught some strange priorities...